I feel like I'm in dance class right now
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
