So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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