and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
