I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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