nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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