I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
