I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
