I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
