I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
