2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
