Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
