On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
