Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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