...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You need Xanax blowdarts
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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