By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize