U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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