I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
