I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Randomize