I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
