Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
