my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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