I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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