so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize