I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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