new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
