i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
