My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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