he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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