That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
