the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
