You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
