I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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