I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I am midnight drunk by noon
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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