I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i out mim tonsoeep
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