you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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