Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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