what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize