I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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