I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
