We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
