if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize