You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
