Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
