I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
