Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
