maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
