I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you traded sex for a burrito?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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