so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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