We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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