You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
And my parents said I crawled through the house
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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