Well douche your snatch and let's go!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
