There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
