It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
