Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
