hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize