Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
