my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just threw up on my dentist
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm both gender and math confused
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