you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The air was thick with penises
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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