so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
