I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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