The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
