I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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