tell your sister to shave her snatch
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
