So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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