speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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