Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
