The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
