billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
